I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
NoShamevember. You game?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
