Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
