I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
