im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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