Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
