Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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