i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
