I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
