Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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