i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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