i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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