P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
