I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize