Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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