i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
