it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize