Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
