No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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