sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
