he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
