CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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