I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
