i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
