I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
someone owes me an orgasm
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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