Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
