I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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