some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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