i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
