It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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