I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
