why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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