a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize