She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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