I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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