She is in my trunk
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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