I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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