He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
