I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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