You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
