how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
