I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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