I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
