We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
