he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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