Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize