i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
