Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
