making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize