there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize