I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
