Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
