Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He felt like a one man threesome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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