You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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