i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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