Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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