and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I party with great urgency now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
