is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
