Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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