I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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