You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We are two peas in an std pod
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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