the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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