Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
