So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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