I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
