he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
