I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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