PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
