Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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