i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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