I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
