what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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